


Better Than Before

by Tobiaspaceship



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Genderqueer!Haruka, I will write their gender feelsy friendship or so help me, Post-Canon, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobiaspaceship/pseuds/Tobiaspaceship
Summary: A call at two in the morning is almost always a call for some kind of help. And Haruka is nothing if not a softie no matter who's on the other end of the phone.
Relationships: Seiya Kou & Tenoh Haruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Better Than Before

**Author's Note:**

> sat down to write some transfeelings ended up with a coming out thing. Thanks for reading.

Haruka stares at their phone. It’s unnervingly quiet. Has been since about three minutes ago when it rattled its way across the kitchen table. They haven’t taken their eyes off it after its little dance. Something about it all just itches. They don’t get calls from her and especially not at this time of night. It definitely hadn’t been an accident, either. The call lasted unanswered for too long and cut too short for it to be anything but a bail out. 

Haruka chuckles at the idea. ‘Course she would cower out. 

_Bzzt!_ The nervous dance begins again, as if on cue. Almost as if it knew they were talking shit. Haruka lets it ring. Unhurried, they glance at the digital kitchen clock. Two in the morning almost always means a call for help. And Haruka is nothing if not a sucker. Damnit. 

They pick up on the last ring.

* * *

“You know, the park’s not exactly open this time of day.”

Seiya jumps as Haruka sits down on the bench next to her. That was satisfying. Even more so as she scowls in answer.

“Who closes parks?” Seiya mutters darkly. “Makes no sense.”

Haruka shrugged. They tug at their jacket zipper, trying to settle in. It’s kinda spooky, being in a park at night. They’d always thought so. Even back in the days they used to patrol with Michiru, waiting for The Silence. Something about the absence of movement where there should be. They try to shrug the feeling off, only partially successful. Seiya’s not exactly good enough company to ward away the chill of an empty playground. 

“So what’d you bring me out here for anyways?” Haruka asks. “I’m assuming not for a smoke?”

Seiya shoots them a sideways look, black brows scrunching together. “You smoke?”

Haruka shakes their head. “Michiru hates the smell.” But Makoto likes the company, they add silently. The memory of the last late night chat drifts by. It makes some conversations easier. Something to get rid of the nervous energy while talking. And Seiya looks like she could use the help. 

She sits almost completely on the edge of the bench. Elbows on her knees and heels hovering off the ground like she’s preparing any minute to launch herself into the darkness. Seiya’s usual low ponytail is missing the normal neat, careful wrappings and Haruka has a sudden image of her bolting out of whatever hotel room the Starlights found to crash to meet up here. 

“Wh-”

“Where are you staying?”

Seiya blinks, mouth half formed around words cut off at the breath. “What?” 

“Sorry,” the corners of Haruka’s mouth pull tightly downwards. “You just looked so…” They shrug, looking her up and down as ways of explanation. It didn’t help the sudden self-consciousness sitting over the both of them. Why were they doing this? “Are you guys, like. Safe? Or something?”

“We got back a week ago,” Seiya says slowly. Her eyebrows almost meld together in confusion. “The Prin-” The word breaks off, jagged and sharp. Seiya’s scowl at the ground seems to watch it fall. A muscle works in her jaw. “ _Kakyuu_ insisted on finding a place of our own this time. I’m staying at the shrine.” 

Haruka nods in sympathy. “It’s hard giving them space,” they agree. 

Seiya’s hands clench around each other for a moment. Two. And then tension slinks away into the night with a sigh. She looks tired. With sagging shoulders and a too distant gaze, she just looks beat. Haruka watches from the corner of their eye as Seiya slowly sweeps the hair back from her eyes. More than just a trip across the skies - although they knew nothing about what that was like - or even for the time of night. 

“How do you do it?” she asks after a while. A small question. More of a confession really. Like someone pushing the words from her lungs. It’s enough to make Haruka swallow back the snappy response that sprung to mind. Instead, they settle for a sigh. A smoke would really help this conversation.

Their leg bounces in the silence. “You just kinda,” they start, mulling it over. “I dunno. Deal with it, I guess. Accept you can’t control what they do.” 

“But what about…” The muscle in her jaw works and jumps as she chews over words. “But can’t you? To a certain point? So people just listen more? See you better?”

Something lights up a corner of Haruka’s mind at the desperation in the last bit of that question. Almost a nagging familiarity. “They’re their own people, dude. We can’t exactly be everything they need all the time. And they don’t want us to be.”

“No, I don’t mean -” Seiya curses something. A clipped, almost hissing noise of language that settles into a low moan of sorts. It could be anything, but swearing in all languages feels the same to Haruka. 

It’s different, they note, watching someone else flounder for words. Does their leg jump as much as hers does? They know for sure they don’t mutter through things. But maybe that’s the consequence of needing to translate. Honestly, it’s a little grating. They stuff down the urge to reach over and still her bouncing leg, to cut off the strange, rapid sounds. Without an outlet it only gets worse, they know. So they wait. And wait.

What feels like hours later there’s a pained sort of noise. One that’s not entirely otherworldly. “I’m just,” Seiya starts, voice catching on a strangled breath. The words are slow, almost like her tongue can’t quite remember how to form the words. “I’m tired of feeling like this. Like I’m lying everyday to people when I go out, lying to myself saying it’s fine. And I miss how it used to be before-” A reflex swallow and air breathes into Seiya’s hands. One slow, long breath that whistles through the space between skin. “Before everyone…”

The nagging familiar light finally erupts into clarity and Haruka openly stares now. Really watching. Michiru always teases how long it takes them to really notice what’s going on and maybe, maybe Haruka’s been oblivious this whole time on this bench. But a memory of _before_ \- Seiya, bold, brash, and bigger than life that first night they met and every night afterwards in that stupid red suit. Cocky and carefree in a backwards hat, shoulders back, proud and daring the world to try anything - blares bright compared to _now_ . The way Seiya’s shoulders tuck in, the way those blue eyes bore into the grass below, the desperation of being seen as _before_ …

Well, it just all rings a bit too familiar.

“Before everyone found out,” Haruka finishes. Seiya flinches the smallest bit, chest curling inwards, nose scrunching in pained frustration. Fingers flex. Forearms stiffen as the words linger. There’s a nod, robotic and halting, gaze determinedly fixed on the middle distance of the dirt. 

Haruka sinks further back into the bench, their own eyes skywards. Silence is good for thinking sometimes. Wait around long enough and the right thing to say will show up for you to use. Right now, though, maybe not so much. Especially since Seiya seems to wind tighter with every passing moment next to them. The bouncing leg has stopped, trading in for the coiled tension when Haruka first sat down. They let it happen - old habits die hard and it’s still a little fun to let Seiya stew - but eventually. Eventually the too familiar wins out. 

“You can go back, you know,” Haruka says towards the stars. “To _Before_ , I mean.”

Seiya begins to shake. From the night chill or the idea, Haruka can’t really tell, but it brings an urge to do something to soothe. 

There’s a sniffle. A breath a bit too hard. “It won’t be the same,” he finally says, voice hesitantly sinking into that low skip that takes Haruka back to an after concert dressing room. Different from the rest of the conversation. More like Seiya they know. 

“Nope.” Seiya doesn’t jump at the hand on his shoulder. Only unwinds. Relaxing at Haruka’s touch like a housecat settling in. A first for everything, as they say. “It’ll be better.”


End file.
